What Scares You Most ? ? ? ? ?
U can all have different answers 2 dis...ranging from a cat crossing ur way or the result nite or the feel of monday or any other thing.
As 4 me in the present context it happens 2 b applying 4 leave... :D
I m a li'l darpok by nature...
Or rather...i m a vaccilator.
I m,or rather have been scared of seniors,crazy ppl who follow us on the roads,teachers....few more,but after moving out,i have overcome my fears to quite an extent.
But there is one fear that has developed over the last couple of months...and dat is of my PM.
I cannot imagine anything more scary than approaching him 4 discussing a leave plan.
It is a big torture to think of what i wud say wen i go to him...i keep rehearsing it again n again...i deliver it well but dat i come 2 know only after the discussion is over.
During the discussion,i feel like a poor trapped animal,looking around for help.
During that small period of 5 minutes or so,i realise that applying for leave is the greatest sin that cud have been committed by me,that life wud b much easier if i were at my desk in front of my system rather dan in front of the "Big Boss".
I feel as if everybody around is wondering how foolish i m to apply for a leave,that i m a tiny creature and everyone around is so damn big!!!!!
I try to feel normal and comfortable but completely fail.I just wish those moments get over soon but they seem like ages.
I feel like apologising for the blunder dat i did by approaching him for leave and promising him dat i will never again in my life trouble him this way...
I suppose by now all of u must b wondering what a jerk i am...
But trust me,i was just trying to provide a small piece of entertainment to u guys...i have never ever been scared of anybody or anything in my life...n applying for leave is a cakewalk...
But if anyone of u is scared of walking up to ur PM,just remember one thing...
ITS A MATTER OF JUST A FEW MINUTES...IT'LL GET OVER SOON!!!!!!!
Monday, December 18, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
voyage unfolded...yet again !!!!!!!!
Everybody around is complaining dat my posts aren't my types...they r serious and do not reflect ME.
So dis one is a lighter insight into all dat i m going through these days...
These days!!!!!!!!
See i understand,the same sulky stuff again n again...but just cant get out of it,so plz bear wid me.
Lets begin from the beginning...
Wen HCL came into my life,it hardly seemed to matter...i was not prepared for it no doubt. It was more of "thank u"," thank u" ,widout even giving the cause a thought.
Time started moving faster dan ever...n i knew i had 2 leave,though i hated to think of it.
Then it came...the big day...the 22nd the july...my abap mates know wht makes me say dis "the" again n again... :)
Thoda rona dhona...n i set off.
initially it was ok,no troubles as such.And then came the deadly announcement evening.The man in red said...SAP Bangalore.
And i was out of my senses...could not hear...could not speak....
Ek baar aur thoda rona dhona.And then the old man n his lady said on phone..."b'lore is gud,don't ask for a change"...so i knew my destination.
What followed next was a very memorable phase of my life.the training session at noida b4 the final bye bye.the instructors were extraordinary,the weather was extremely pleasant,the food was delicious(dont believe a word of it) n inspite of all these,life wid my three roomies n others was fun.
the last week of training was really exhausting...a literal NIGHTMARE ...
n den finally v had 2 fly...from there to here...everything ws well planned.And hence exucuted successfully.
The next phase was the worst...my abode for the first 30 days after a week at the guest house.I witnessed hell...stinky clumsy place,rude girls(particularly the one who was in the room next to ours),dirty food,no light,no fresh air,wht else m i forgetting dat makes a hell???? But then...everything happens for a reason...v were there b'coz v had 2 b somewhere else after dat...n v landed up from nowhere into a biiiiiig house,wid evrything just in place n a loving maid.
And since then ...i m exploring new places,interacting wid totally different ppl,living a new life...
n more importantly i m cracking jokes,commenting on all those who pass by,investing my precious time in priceless panchayats,reading novels till late n writing blogs!!!!!!!!
though i miss my nautanki mates a lottttttt...i wish the whole of my toli was here to accompany me...
i've had the honour of being with some of the biggest cracks,n they bring out the mirthful me,the crazy me,the mad me...i donno why i always end up missing my ppl even wen i had decided dis wud b a silly stupid post.
neways...time to wind up.
i tried to sound the way i used to be six months back though i know i didn't... :(
but i'll try to work at it,will try to come up wid an improved version.
n if i can't,does it really matter?
So dis one is a lighter insight into all dat i m going through these days...
These days!!!!!!!!
See i understand,the same sulky stuff again n again...but just cant get out of it,so plz bear wid me.
Lets begin from the beginning...
Wen HCL came into my life,it hardly seemed to matter...i was not prepared for it no doubt. It was more of "thank u"," thank u" ,widout even giving the cause a thought.
Time started moving faster dan ever...n i knew i had 2 leave,though i hated to think of it.
Then it came...the big day...the 22nd the july...my abap mates know wht makes me say dis "the" again n again... :)
Thoda rona dhona...n i set off.
initially it was ok,no troubles as such.And then came the deadly announcement evening.The man in red said...SAP Bangalore.
And i was out of my senses...could not hear...could not speak....
Ek baar aur thoda rona dhona.And then the old man n his lady said on phone..."b'lore is gud,don't ask for a change"...so i knew my destination.
What followed next was a very memorable phase of my life.the training session at noida b4 the final bye bye.the instructors were extraordinary,the weather was extremely pleasant,the food was delicious(dont believe a word of it) n inspite of all these,life wid my three roomies n others was fun.
the last week of training was really exhausting...a literal NIGHTMARE ...
n den finally v had 2 fly...from there to here...everything ws well planned.And hence exucuted successfully.
The next phase was the worst...my abode for the first 30 days after a week at the guest house.I witnessed hell...stinky clumsy place,rude girls(particularly the one who was in the room next to ours),dirty food,no light,no fresh air,wht else m i forgetting dat makes a hell???? But then...everything happens for a reason...v were there b'coz v had 2 b somewhere else after dat...n v landed up from nowhere into a biiiiiig house,wid evrything just in place n a loving maid.
And since then ...i m exploring new places,interacting wid totally different ppl,living a new life...
n more importantly i m cracking jokes,commenting on all those who pass by,investing my precious time in priceless panchayats,reading novels till late n writing blogs!!!!!!!!
though i miss my nautanki mates a lottttttt...i wish the whole of my toli was here to accompany me...
i've had the honour of being with some of the biggest cracks,n they bring out the mirthful me,the crazy me,the mad me...i donno why i always end up missing my ppl even wen i had decided dis wud b a silly stupid post.
neways...time to wind up.
i tried to sound the way i used to be six months back though i know i didn't... :(
but i'll try to work at it,will try to come up wid an improved version.
n if i can't,does it really matter?
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
nothing stays forever....
I once read somewhere...
It is sure to be dark if you close your eyes.
And it is this that has made me write this post...
I have been very strongly feeling for the last few days that I m pushing myself towards darkness,towards solitude,towards affliction.
So here I am to cheer myself up...though i m not very sure whether i wud succeed or not,but i m committed towards this attempt.
It is a bit difficult to move out of ur cocoon n face the world...so it was for me...i missed my parents n friends badly n had convinced myself pretty well that what follows wud b even worse n i have not a single reason to b happy...but one fine morning i realised that i needed my smile back... And i immediately set off...
I have had my share of darkness n sunshine will have 2 follow...may b not today...but some day for sure...n i m ready 2 wait...
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.
I m not going to cry for all that i have left behind,i m looking forward to a promising dawn which wud take me to a brighter tomorrow.We all face tough times ,what determines our strength is the skill with which we deal with it.
And i will not let myself down,i will welcome all scuffles, all challenges....n live each moment to the fullest.
I will be myself again...the same troublesome me...with that little spark of madness... :)
It is sure to be dark if you close your eyes.
And it is this that has made me write this post...
I have been very strongly feeling for the last few days that I m pushing myself towards darkness,towards solitude,towards affliction.
So here I am to cheer myself up...though i m not very sure whether i wud succeed or not,but i m committed towards this attempt.
It is a bit difficult to move out of ur cocoon n face the world...so it was for me...i missed my parents n friends badly n had convinced myself pretty well that what follows wud b even worse n i have not a single reason to b happy...but one fine morning i realised that i needed my smile back... And i immediately set off...
I have had my share of darkness n sunshine will have 2 follow...may b not today...but some day for sure...n i m ready 2 wait...
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.
I m not going to cry for all that i have left behind,i m looking forward to a promising dawn which wud take me to a brighter tomorrow.We all face tough times ,what determines our strength is the skill with which we deal with it.
And i will not let myself down,i will welcome all scuffles, all challenges....n live each moment to the fullest.
I will be myself again...the same troublesome me...with that little spark of madness... :)
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
my little spark of madness... :)
i still have no idea why n how i agreed 2 being subjected 2 dis...but now dat i have been tagged, here i m wid 31 confessions...
i may sound weird at times...but dats probably because i m just dat....
so ppl....here i go...
1.I m proud 2 b an elder child...it really means a lot 2 me...n i just love it wen
mummy n papa consult me 4 the very small n insignifant things like the colour of the
curtains or the positioning of the couch...i feel big n honoured...
2.This one i mentioned in my earlier post as well...i hate 2 explain...samajh aaya to
theek..nahi aaya to bhi theek...dont ask me wht dat means...i will not explain...
3.I m highly religious n a bit superstitious...but dont believe in stuff like "if u do
not forward dis mail within the next 10 minutes,u'll have bad luck for the next 2
years"...
4.I love collecting....guess what??????deo bottles...not dat i m a dirty stinky
creature...just like dat...
5.I dont like eating bananas.
6.I used 2 bite my nails as a kid...quit doing dat long back!!!
7.I love my left hand....absolutely weird...i know...but cant help it.
8.I love 2 smell my hair...especially after a wash...
9.I love my parents...is dat a cofession????not yet...my biggest fear in life is
losing dem...nothing scares me more...dis is the confession part of it.
10.I eat sandwiches inwards...i.e.the periphery first...wht m i sayingg?????somebody
plz stop me...
11.I never leave litter on roads nor do i drop coins in rivers...n these 2 i owe to
darpan sir...n all those of u reading dis,on a serious note for a change...if u have
surplus of money...donate it for some noble cause...or give it 2 me.. ;)...but plz
dont dump ur country's currency like dis...
12.Now dis one is really hard 2 reveal...i write verses...yes i do...never ask me 2
show dem 2 u...trust me ...i wont.
13.I can not argue...n its not because i dont wish 2...it is b'coz i just cant...at
times i wish 2 shout at the top of my voice...but i have no idea how dat is done... :(
14.I hate being called "cute"...
15.I cry a lot.ab sabke saamne nahi roti,par akele me...my godddd.n it makes me
feel gud...
16.I m a living example of procrastination...
17.I just love it wen ppl appreciate my sense of humour...i hope i m not sounding
arrogant...
18.I dont lie too often..but wen i do u cant make it out...
19.The way a person talks matters 2 me a lottttttt..i dont like made up ppl but there
shud b something catchy...n i m pretty quick at catching...
20.I m scared of looking down from heights...
21.I feel bad for all those old ppl who still work 2 earn a living...n i hate nani wen
she aska nanaji 2 go out 2 get something...n i mean it...i want nanaji 2 b at home
n relax...
22.I have dis very bad habit of contemplating...its something i wanna get rid
of...but dis is probably not possible...dis is one thing i hate 'bout myself...
23.I strongly believe in perfection...i feel dat every thing shud b done in the best
possible manner...it may not turn out 2 b perfect...but it'll land up sm where near
excellence...
24.Now the big one...mujhe bhi gussa aata hai...zor se bhi aata hai kabhi kabhi...but
then as i said..cant argue..cant shout...silence is my weapon...
25.I take some time 2 open up...I cannot b myself from the very 1st meeting.
26.I love teasing my friends...i love 2 embarrass them...n i just love 2 see dem blush!!!!!!
27.I m quite secretive...u can never guess whts going on in here...n if i dont want u 2
know whts wrong...u will neva come 2 know(there r a few exceptions 2 dis...but
exceptions cannot b taken as examples)
28.I like expressive ppl...i like ppl who say it more often...but it does not mean dat
i hate being inexpressive..ofcourse not...i m dis b'coz i love being dis...plz dont
ask me 2 explain.
29.I love kids...n i can spend hours playing silly games wid dem...n arguing wid
kids...nothing beats dat!!!
30.I hate 2 give up...i really find it hard 2 submit..u can call me stubborn...
31.These days i m going thru hell...dis is the most difficult one 2 confess(dat is probably the reason it is no.31)...i m nt quite liking it...like i said b4...dis is not my idea of life...i dont belong 2
dis...i wish 2 run away...plz dont discuss dis wid me ppl...i may feel embarrased...
lo..likh dale 31 confessions...
n with my fingers crossed...here goes the click.
i may sound weird at times...but dats probably because i m just dat....
so ppl....here i go...
1.I m proud 2 b an elder child...it really means a lot 2 me...n i just love it wen
mummy n papa consult me 4 the very small n insignifant things like the colour of the
curtains or the positioning of the couch...i feel big n honoured...
2.This one i mentioned in my earlier post as well...i hate 2 explain...samajh aaya to
theek..nahi aaya to bhi theek...dont ask me wht dat means...i will not explain...
3.I m highly religious n a bit superstitious...but dont believe in stuff like "if u do
not forward dis mail within the next 10 minutes,u'll have bad luck for the next 2
years"...
4.I love collecting....guess what??????deo bottles...not dat i m a dirty stinky
creature...just like dat...
5.I dont like eating bananas.
6.I used 2 bite my nails as a kid...quit doing dat long back!!!
7.I love my left hand....absolutely weird...i know...but cant help it.
8.I love 2 smell my hair...especially after a wash...
9.I love my parents...is dat a cofession????not yet...my biggest fear in life is
losing dem...nothing scares me more...dis is the confession part of it.
10.I eat sandwiches inwards...i.e.the periphery first...wht m i sayingg?????somebody
plz stop me...
11.I never leave litter on roads nor do i drop coins in rivers...n these 2 i owe to
darpan sir...n all those of u reading dis,on a serious note for a change...if u have
surplus of money...donate it for some noble cause...or give it 2 me.. ;)...but plz
dont dump ur country's currency like dis...
12.Now dis one is really hard 2 reveal...i write verses...yes i do...never ask me 2
show dem 2 u...trust me ...i wont.
13.I can not argue...n its not because i dont wish 2...it is b'coz i just cant...at
times i wish 2 shout at the top of my voice...but i have no idea how dat is done... :(
14.I hate being called "cute"...
15.I cry a lot.ab sabke saamne nahi roti,par akele me...my godddd.n it makes me
feel gud...
16.I m a living example of procrastination...
17.I just love it wen ppl appreciate my sense of humour...i hope i m not sounding
arrogant...
18.I dont lie too often..but wen i do u cant make it out...
19.The way a person talks matters 2 me a lottttttt..i dont like made up ppl but there
shud b something catchy...n i m pretty quick at catching...
20.I m scared of looking down from heights...
21.I feel bad for all those old ppl who still work 2 earn a living...n i hate nani wen
she aska nanaji 2 go out 2 get something...n i mean it...i want nanaji 2 b at home
n relax...
22.I have dis very bad habit of contemplating...its something i wanna get rid
of...but dis is probably not possible...dis is one thing i hate 'bout myself...
23.I strongly believe in perfection...i feel dat every thing shud b done in the best
possible manner...it may not turn out 2 b perfect...but it'll land up sm where near
excellence...
24.Now the big one...mujhe bhi gussa aata hai...zor se bhi aata hai kabhi kabhi...but
then as i said..cant argue..cant shout...silence is my weapon...
25.I take some time 2 open up...I cannot b myself from the very 1st meeting.
26.I love teasing my friends...i love 2 embarrass them...n i just love 2 see dem blush!!!!!!
27.I m quite secretive...u can never guess whts going on in here...n if i dont want u 2
know whts wrong...u will neva come 2 know(there r a few exceptions 2 dis...but
exceptions cannot b taken as examples)
28.I like expressive ppl...i like ppl who say it more often...but it does not mean dat
i hate being inexpressive..ofcourse not...i m dis b'coz i love being dis...plz dont
ask me 2 explain.
29.I love kids...n i can spend hours playing silly games wid dem...n arguing wid
kids...nothing beats dat!!!
30.I hate 2 give up...i really find it hard 2 submit..u can call me stubborn...
31.These days i m going thru hell...dis is the most difficult one 2 confess(dat is probably the reason it is no.31)...i m nt quite liking it...like i said b4...dis is not my idea of life...i dont belong 2
dis...i wish 2 run away...plz dont discuss dis wid me ppl...i may feel embarrased...
lo..likh dale 31 confessions...
n with my fingers crossed...here goes the click.
Monday, November 27, 2006
i wish to go back......
gone r the days...n never will they come back...but still i want dem back...
gone r the days wen i ws surrounded by ppl who care...now i m all alone...all on my own...my eyes desperately looking 4 someone known...
someone who knows dat i hate to explain...
dat i enjoy silence but hate solitude...
dat i love my people n m incomplete widout them...
never did i think dat life is so hollow widout friends...but den u learn 2 value dem dis way...i've alwaz known wht they r 2 me...but now i know dat i m nothing widout dem...
there were times wen they scolded me 4 being inexpressive...today i have nothing 2 say but still wish i had someone to ask me "whts wrong?"...sounds weird...but dats how it is!!!!!
i was cursed for being out of touch most of the times...n now hearing even one of those life supporting voices makes my day...
i have learnt dat life is just like dis...n it is dis inertia dat hurts...
gone r the days wen i ws surrounded by ppl who care...now i m all alone...all on my own...my eyes desperately looking 4 someone known...
someone who knows dat i hate to explain...
dat i enjoy silence but hate solitude...
dat i love my people n m incomplete widout them...
never did i think dat life is so hollow widout friends...but den u learn 2 value dem dis way...i've alwaz known wht they r 2 me...but now i know dat i m nothing widout dem...
there were times wen they scolded me 4 being inexpressive...today i have nothing 2 say but still wish i had someone to ask me "whts wrong?"...sounds weird...but dats how it is!!!!!
i was cursed for being out of touch most of the times...n now hearing even one of those life supporting voices makes my day...
i have learnt dat life is just like dis...n it is dis inertia dat hurts...
dats me!!!!!!
wen i say its not fun nemore...i dont particularly mean dat it ever was fun...but dat now it is not is something i m very sure 'bout.
life has taken a deadly turn...n i m not liking it the way it is driving me...never in my life did i feel dis helpless...i can just not make things go my way...n i m not used 2 being guided away...though i haven't given up...but smwhere at the back of my mind i have dis subtle feeling dat very soon i will have 2 submit...n i m scared...
i dont wanna give up...i still wanna hold on...though i m not sure whether i wud b able 2 or not...in fact i m quite sure dat sooner or later i will have 2 give up...my mind may agree 2 it...but i wish my mind cud rule my heart...things wud have been much better then...
still clueless i wait...4 some miracle to happen...dat helps me break away from these shackles...dat takes me 2 wht i feel is my idea of life...very different from wht i m going thru...
here i m at the verge of losing ...bt still not having the guts to surrender...dats me!!!
life has taken a deadly turn...n i m not liking it the way it is driving me...never in my life did i feel dis helpless...i can just not make things go my way...n i m not used 2 being guided away...though i haven't given up...but smwhere at the back of my mind i have dis subtle feeling dat very soon i will have 2 submit...n i m scared...
i dont wanna give up...i still wanna hold on...though i m not sure whether i wud b able 2 or not...in fact i m quite sure dat sooner or later i will have 2 give up...my mind may agree 2 it...but i wish my mind cud rule my heart...things wud have been much better then...
still clueless i wait...4 some miracle to happen...dat helps me break away from these shackles...dat takes me 2 wht i feel is my idea of life...very different from wht i m going thru...
here i m at the verge of losing ...bt still not having the guts to surrender...dats me!!!
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