dats me!!!!!!

wen i say its not fun nemore...i dont particularly mean dat it ever was fun...but dat now it is not is something i m very sure 'bout.
life has taken a deadly turn...n i m not liking it the way it is driving me...never in my life did i feel dis helpless...i can just not make things go my way...n i m not used 2 being guided away...though i haven't given up...but smwhere at the back of my mind i have dis subtle feeling dat very soon i will have 2 submit...n i m scared...
i dont wanna give up...i still wanna hold on...though i m not sure whether i wud b able 2 or not...in fact i m quite sure dat sooner or later i will have 2 give up...my mind may agree 2 it...but i wish my mind cud rule my heart...things wud have been much better then...
still clueless i wait...4 some miracle to happen...dat helps me break away from these shackles...dat takes me 2 wht i feel is my idea of life...very different from wht i m going thru...
here i m at the verge of losing ...bt still not having the guts to surrender...dats me!!!